Wow, another month gone... I guess blogging wasn't such a great idea. However, I do enjoy the fact that I have somewhere to vent when needed. Today is such a day.
First off, I think I'll update everyone on the last month of my life as some of the events have brought me where I am today. As usual, most of my last month has been spent working. I'm still doing the trifecta of Rochester, Olivia, and Burnsville; but, I finally have an actual moving date so that helps. My job is going well. My manager has been completely stressed out this past month as we recently lost one of our Assistant Managers to maternity leave. I've actually been healthy this past month - so that's something new and different; and, now that we're heading into the summer months, I actually have things to do on my days off. Though I do enjoy relaxing, I am having a lot of fun going to family gatherings for holidays - like Easter and Mother's Day - and all of the Showers. I also have a wedding to attend this weekend, so that should be fun. I love weddings. I honestly do - but wedding season does bring up a lot of different emotions for a single 25-year-old female.... which brings us to my latest eHarmony fiasco.
I will not bore you with details, but let's just say things were quite busy for awhile, but I ended back at square one. Here's a long story short. Just know it doesn't end well. The guy in my last post - we'll call him... Guy A, did nothing for me. I actually blame him for me not wanting to be in a relationship cause shortly after my post I started texting Mr. M. (I know, these are horrible names but I have to keep them straight somehow!) Anyway, Mr. M seemed really great at first - we had a lot in common, he seemed interesting and interested. So, after about a week or so of texting, we set up a date. I literally worried myself sick up until two hours before we were to meet and... he canceled. (Why he canceled is unimportant, but really, a guy should be able to tough it out through a migraine.) So, being that I was sort of anti-boy anyway, I decided I was done with Mr. M. (I should also mention Guy A was way out of the picture by now.) Moving on... after being canceled on by Mr. M, I sort of jumped into talking to Sir S. Sir S seemed cool and instantly we made plans to meet up. We decided to go to a movie and dinner - and I had a really good time. He was easy to talk to and the "date" went really well. The only issue, if you could even call it that, was the fact that he didn't really know what he wanted. So, what did I do? I asked him. Now, Sir S lived about an hour away from Burnsville (where I will soon be moving) so that was sort of an issue, but after discussion, Sir S informed he that he wanted to exclusively date. Yeah, it seemed kind of fast, but I liked him. He was a lot of fun to talk to and he, like me, was blatantly honest - I liked that. Well, let's just say it didn't work out. Sir S suddenly stopped texting and calling and Mr. M wouldn't STOP texting and calling. I wasn't really feeling Mr. M, but when he asked to hang out as friends, I thought it wouldn't hurt so we decided to see a movie. (This was all during the time Sir S was MIA - no texts, no calls, nothing.) Once again, the day we were supposed to see a movie, Mr. M canceled AGAIN so that was obviously over and I haven't heard from him since. Then, a few days later I received an email from Sir S saying he didn't want a long distance relationship with me and I haven't heard from him since, too. So yeah, my monthly boy saga in a nutshell. I can't really complain since that's the most guy drama I've had in my entire life, but it sort of sucks still being back at square one.
SO, we FINALLY get to the reason why I'm blogging today. Today I went to see the movie "Something Borrowed" with Kate Hudson and Ginnifer Goodwin. Now, I'm not going to go into the whole synopsis of the movie, so if you want to know what happens - go and see it, though I may add some spoilers in the blog so if you don't want to know what happens before you see it - stop reading. I repeat SPOILER ALERT. (By the way, I'm really sorry for the grammar and any other mistakes in this blog; but, I'm just going as fast as I can cause I'm tired and need to go to bed but I also need to get this out.)
Okay, so the movie. To be completely honest, which I always am, it really pissed me off. My mom, whom I saw it with, really enjoyed it but when we were talking about it after I realized it's because she saw it as a movie, I related to it. Basically in the movie, two best friends are in love with the same guy. Quick rundown, Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin) and Dex meet in law school, Darcy (Kate Hudson) is Rachel's best friend of forever - since they were tiny little girls - and she meets Dex through Rachel who is secretly in love with Dex but then Dex and Darcy get together and are engaged when the movie starts. Somehow, within two months of the wedding, Rachel tells Dex how she used to have feelings for him in law school and they start this fling of a romance. Of course, in the movie Rachel is our heroine as she's the main character so they try to make it seem like she and Dex are soulmates and that Darcy is all wrong for him. Then Ethan, who's Rachel's good guy friend since childhood, sort of adds to the mix by being Rachel's confidant and guru. I bet you didn't see this coming, Ethan is secretly in love with Rachel! (DRAMA!) But anyway, in the end the wedding is called off, Darcy is pregnant with one of Dex's guy friends (cause she cheated on Dex when they were engaged), Darcy finds out about Rachel and Dex and tells her she hates her, Ethan admits his feelings for Rachel, and Rachel and Dex end up together. This may sound all fine and good, but the last scene really just ruins everything. It's two months after Darcy found out about Dex and Rachel and told Rachel she hated her and never wanted to speak to her again and Darcy and Rachel randomly bump into each other on the street. Now, to me it was obvious but it wasn't to mom, that they try to make it seem like Darcy is just trying to save face when she tells Rachel she's never been happier. Rachel smiles and says, "I'm glad, Darcy. I miss you every day." and then they start walking their separate ways and Darcy says, "I really am happy." and they walk away from each other looking back and smiling and then Rachel meets up with Dex and it's all good. BUT, it shouldn't be good! The whole movie Dex and Rachel are just being backstabbing, selfish assholes and yes, Darcy cheats on Dex, but he was cheating on her, too! But, of course, it's all okay because Dex and Rachel are soulmates. Dex and Rachel are in love. Dex and Rachel are meant for each other. Blah, blah, blah. Why is it so important in our society to be "in love"? I mean, that's the answer for everything! This movie basically says you can screw over your BEST friend of 25 years as long as it's for someone you're in love with. I personally think that's bullshit. Perhaps it's because I've never been in love with someone who's been in love with me, but I would like to think it's because I actually value my friendships. Like I was saying to Mom on the car ride home - I guess I'm just weird. I guess it could be that I've had "friends" break "girl code" before, but I just don't understand why a sexual relationship is more important than a friendship. I mean, that's really what it comes down to, right? Trust me, I've had numerous friends think that and that's probably why I'm not very close with those people anymore. Am I wrong for that? I've noticed that in movies and in life it's always the one who did the hurting that wants everything to be okay. It's not okay. It will never be okay. Even if two people overcome one of them stabbing the other in the back, it's never fully the same. It all comes down to trust. Maybe that's the reason why I've never had a romantic relationship, I don't want to trust anyone else. Right now I have a great friend base. I know my best friend will always be there for me. One of the worst parts of this past month was not being able to talk to Kathryn. She seriously makes everything better for me. Many times I truly believe SHE is my soulmate. I always feel comfortable with who I am when I'm around her and I think that's the most important thing.
So, I guess I don't really know what I had to get off my chest but I do feel better. I just don't understand why society pressures us to fall in love when loving someone - even as a friend - should be the real goal in life. As for my situation with guys right now - I said it in my last blog and I'll say it again. I don't want a relationship. I don't remember if I gave a reason why in my last blog, but I'm realizing that I have love in my life and that's enough. I don't need a guy to complete me. I like who I am. I'm content. If I do meet a guy, great, I guess - but he should know that I know what I want and if he's not it, I'm not going to settle just so I can be "normal" or I should say what this society wants one to think is normal.
For all you haters out there. Yes, this is going to some specific people and I want those people to know that I am happy. We all have our ups and downs and I think one of the most emotionally volatile times in our lives is when we come into our own. I'm proud to say that I'm coming into my own independently. I don't feel the need to have a significant other by my side. Now, let me be clear, I don't think everyone who may have gotten married young isn't independent or needed to have that other person, but I do know a lot of people who feel like they're no one, nothing, unless they have someone there to tell them otherwise. I'm really glad I'm not one of those people - but I'm even happier knowing that if I do need someone by my side to pick me up I'll have someone. I may not be IN love with them and I'm definitely not having sex with them, but they're there.
I recently had a facebook status saying that I knew a lot of shitty people and very few good ones. I wouldn't say that's false necessarily, but I would say that the good ones definitely make up for the shitty ones. Although, I don't always remember that and I really should cause I have some great friends and some amazing family members.
So look at me, world! I'm 25. I'm single. I'm HAPPY! I know who I am and I'm happy with that. I don't need you or anyone else to tell me what will make me happy. You don't know me, but you really should - cause I'm one helluva woman. I am Ashley, hear me roar.
