You're different though... cause I love you.

This post comes from a recent event in my life, but out of respect for other people who were involved, I will not be naming names. So, here's the brief backstory. I was recently set-up by a friend. Now, those of us involved will argue whether it was trying to "hook us up" or whether it was introducing us as just friends, but I personally saw it as a romantic set-up or at least a friends with potential set-up. Anyway, the first time we met, it was like a double date: me, my friend, the guy, and my friend's husband (the guy and the husband were good friends) and we had a really good time. So, the guy and I started texting back and forth. Long story short, the guy, in my opinion, had issues. First off, he had a record (yep, like been arrested and convicted record), he admitted he was living with an ex-girlfriend, he admitted to still being in love with a different ex-girlfriend, he had his car repossessed, etc. Let's just say he wasn't my type - though, I didn't really realize that until the second time we hung out. I will take blame, however, in the fact that, by the time we did hang out the second time, we both felt like this would end up as something. Over text he was a really nice guy: very open, easy to "talk" to,  honest, and mature. That didn't last long. In person he was shy and awkward (then again, I probably was, too) but he seemed jealous and unstable. (He was also drunk, so that could have something to do with it.) But, after that night, I felt like it was get out or get stuck. So, I got out and I thought that I had justifiable reasons to flee. My friend that set us up, however, did not feel the same way. Both, her and her husband, felt like I should've given this guy another chance. There argument was that he is a really good guy and he just made a mistake cause he's going through a lot... and then they used the argument that my friends aren't perfect either... and that made me think... (hence the blog)...

Why is it that we can accept our friends flaws but we can't accept someone's flaws when we first meet them? Or do I have it all wrong and we just have lower standards for our friends than we do for someone whom we may date? Or, perhaps I really have it all wrong and only I do this. Cause see, again, I'm not going to name names, but I have a friend who does things that I normally wouldn't approve of, but because I know this friend is the way s/he is, it's not an issue that s/he does those things. I accept it because I love that person for who that person is. So, where is that line drawn in the sand? Is it different for everyone? Shouldn't I appreciate that this guy was upfront about his issues? Isn't it sort of crappy that I passed him off right away because I couldn't see past the issues? But I mean, everyone does do that to a point though, right? Otherwise, we would just love everyone... I don't know. Should we get to know everyone thoroughly before writing them off? Personally, I don't think that's even possible... but, would it make us better people if we did? I'm just typing my thoughts now, but not all of these questions are rhetorical. I would love people to respond with their thoughts. I mean, I've had friends who have stabbed me in the back and so sometimes I've wished that I didn't get to know them as well as I did because I feel like I looked past so much it was me who was hurt in the end... but then I think how different my life would be if I didn't get to know those people. I'm not sure if I've mentioned in this blog before, I probably have, but I've never had a romantic relationship and I'm starting to accept that it's obviously something with me. I seem to push away romantic prospects right away either directly or indirectly and I'm not sure why. Is it because of my past bad friendships? So I'm scared of feeling that vulnerable with a person? But, in that case, one would think that my good friendships would teach me to take the risk. Is it too high of standards? Do I ask too much of my future boyfriend? Well, in this case, I think there were enough red flags. Then again, I almost always find red flags, so is that because I subconsciously want to ruin my chances? I titled this blog "You're different though... cause I love you." because it's so true. We look past so much if we care about someone. My friend and her husband thought that I should look past what I thought were obvious deal-breakers because they cared about this guy. I look past things that normally would bother me with my friends because I care about them. Again, where is that line drawn? How do we get past the red flags to find the true person? Does this mean we should hide our "red flags" when we first meet someone? Isn't that sort of lying? Perhaps that's my problem... I don't know. Is this part of the dating "game"? Do I just jump the gun? I probably do. I probably do it because I've had so many years to think about all of this crap. Perhaps if I had dated when I was younger it would come easy, I wouldn't have to think about it... but here I am, 12:40 a.m. on a Sunday morning worrying about whether or not I'm subconsciously sabotaging my own love life. Should I have given this guy another chance? No. I know plenty of people who haven't given me second or third chances. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, right? I guess one just has to play the game...

It's weird though, I've never felt like I was playing a game with my true friends... I've always felt I could be exactly who I am - and those friends are the ones who've stuck by me.... even when we first met, I could always be myself... even before they loved me...

So, I lied, the above questions are all rhetorical because I know deep down inside that you don't have to play the game... if someone is going to love me for who I am, they'll know from the start cause I will be true to myself no matter what that means.

I love this blog and I thank you all for reading it... whether you agree with me, disagree with my theories and/or reasoning, or you think I'm completely crazy, I appreciate the idea that I'm "talking" to someone. Therefore, since this is a conversation, please respond, let me know what you think of the subject because I would really hate to be feeling this good just to find out 20 years down that road that I have it all wrong... (I'm serious - let me know NOW that I'm delusional. K? Thanks.)

{Side Note: Though this blog always revolves around me and no one else, I do want to say: Kia Kaha Chch. I love you. You'll make it through this... Until we meet again.}